Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Shades of Life

With my hands firmly on the steering of the car, I was trying to reach a destination whose route I knew by heart. It was in the same town where I had spend most part of my life. I knew those roads so well that I could even reach there with my eyes closed. But, even with my concentration bang on the road and keeping my eyes right over the beam of headlights of the car, I felt like a person who was in dire need of navigation. I was taking wrong turns on the roads I had grown up with. The streetlights on the road were somehow failing to serve their purpose. I felt like I was driving alone through a pitch dark narrow tunnel. The loud noise of traffic from the outside felt like falling on deaf ears. It was totally silent in the car. I could not feel anything. I felt like someone on a decent dose of afeem (opium) whose senses were shut down and whose concentration was hanging on the tip of a needle.

All I was trying to do was to follow the Doli of my newly wed sister. 

As per the rituals, the brother is supposed to deliver the sister's belongings to her 'new' home and family. Such a trivial task of delivering some pieces of luggage had never been so hard for me before. 

I had never thought I would feel that way. I am known in my family as the 'cold' one. I am known to be too practical, blunt, hardhearted, expressionless, feeling-less with my-head-before-my-heart kind of guy. They say, this is the reason I live in a 'cold' country like Germany with such ease. To an extent, I would agree with my family. I do not blame them. I prefer to have such an image.

I have had many fights with my sister as kids. There had been times when I didn't talk to her for long periods. I remember as kids when we used to fight and when my parents took her side I used to say, "When she gets married, I would light up the house with desi-ghee diyas". The house was definitely lit for the wedding but with a completely different feeling than of those times. I understood and knew that nothing would change after her marriage. I have anyways lived away from my family for more than 10 years now. She anyways had lived in Bangalore for a couple of years away from home for work. I knew that we do not live in times or society where meeting or going to sister's family used to be formal and seldom. I knew nothing would change but still why did I started missing her that evening would still remain a mystery to me. After all, I am the 'cold' one ! 

I still do not understand what kind of feelings took over me that day in the car. I never ever cry but there I was sobbing inconsolably sitting in my seat with a flood of tears and emotions in my eyes. I was unable to find my way.

There are some things unexplained in life. That moment would go down in my life as one of them. 


Friday, February 8, 2013

Another big fat punjabi wedding ... (contd.)

.... contd.

The Cook: How can there be a wedding without a cook. In my opinion, food is one of the most important ingredient of a Punjabi wedding. You can let Ambrika add another digit to their debt clock but you cannot and I mean absolutely not serve mediocre food at home to the guests. To hell with the bride and groom, if the food is not good, it was not a good wedding. So, my parents called a special cook all the way from Ludhiana on someone's recommendation. And I think it was my favorite part of the wedding. They were a team of 3 with one being the head cook, one helper and one server. It was top quality food with minimum spices and oil yet high on taste and nutrition. To my amazement the cook one evening even made Pakoras with Tomato!! I consider myself a big foodie and critique but I had never heard, seen or eaten Tomato Pakoras in my life. And trust me, they were out of the world!! I could not even resist the Ghiya (Bottle gourd) dish he made on the reception night for himself and his team. So, instead of having dinner with everyone at the Reception hall, I already had it before leaving home.

The Guests: Discussing anything about a Desi wedding is incomplete without talking about the guests and their peculiarities. I felt that the arrival/departure plan of the guests change more often than the weather in England. Arriving unannounced or cancelling plans to come without informing to make the person standing at the airport/train-station go mad after hearing the cancellation news is I guess normal practices at weddings. One peculiar case was that of a relative coming unannounced by car from Shimla at 2 a.m. in the night before the wedding day. It was unbelievable to see my parents standing outside the house at 3 a.m. in the morning with temperature around 2-3 degrees to receive them and to arrange for their bed while the Baraat was to leave at 9 a.m. the same morning !! Atithi Devo Bhava, I guess !!

 The Ending: As the famous saying goes, all is well that ends well. And so was the wedding !! Everything went well, the guests left with their share of sweets and gifts and no major disaster happened which my mom was worrying about all through the wedding. Now, my mom is a person who goes to bed early and gets up early. It is hard for her to stay awake after 9:30 in the night. My father has Arthritis problem in his legs and was very close to getting operated before the wedding but avoided it. Even in such condition, I could not believe the energy and enthusiasm my parents showed during the wedding. It seemed like they were a someone else during those days. No matter what the work was, it was done. They did everything. I felt a little ashamed of myself that I can never imagine myself working so hard for my kids wedding. My sister was nothing less than an Event Manager herself and contributed all her energy and time for the wedding. Everything from selecting the cards to preparing the itinerary to checking the decoration to selecting the wedding dress for me was done by her. I feel humbled seeing my family work so hard to make my wedding a success. No matter what words I say or what gifts I give them or whatever I do for them, there is nothing and absolutely nothing with which I can thank them. I wish and pray that God continue to shower His grace on them with a long and healthy life.

Although, I am a very simple person and wanted a simple wedding for myself with just few and selected members of our family and friends to attend it, I could not say no to the desires of my parents who wanted it to be a grand event. I am not a person in favor of extravagance or things like that but it was just to show respect to my parents that I agreed to do it their way.


P.S: I am sure many of you must have experienced such thing before but for me, it was the first wedding I attended in the last 8 years. And it happened to be my own wedding :) 

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Another big fat punjabi wedding ...

Writing anything about a Punjabi wedding would sound cliche´d. Doing everything over-the-top from food to dresses to dancing, to the overall madness. I am sure anyone reading this post would have experienced at least one Punjabi wedding in his/her life or at least read/heard about it. So, let me not bore you with the general stuff. I will try to stick only to the specific event around my D-Day. Although I have always tried to follow the rule of not writing anything from my personal life here but then I have to also respect what George Bernard Shaw once said, "The golden rule is that there are no golden rules". So, let me pen down some incidents which might bring back memories when I read them here 10-20 years from now.

The Prelude: I reached India many days before my religious marriage ceremony so that I could do a court marriage to apply for my wife's visa in advance. There is not much twist in the story as there was in my back. A couple of weeks before leaving for India, I had a slip-disc problem. So, I reached India with pain in my back and my leg. I went to the doctor the next day after landing and he advised me not to bend and sit crossed leg on the floor. As soon as I heard that, I chuckled. And there was an "Yeah right !!" expression in my head. Imagine a wedding without bending to touch the feet of the million of uncle and aunties who would come to greet the newly wed. And a religious wedding without sitting crossed leg? Are you kidding me? Asking the priest to change that part would be like asking Mr. Ahmadinejad to close down his nuclear program. The doctor advised to take precautions.

The Invitations: The preparations started with the distribution of invitation cards. I personally feel that this is the toughest part among all preparations. Making the list, not forgetting anyone, to personally go and invite everyone even though you have not met them for ages and even though they live in the remotest part of your city. A personal visit is a MUST! One night, during the card distribution phase, lying in the bed with a bottle of hot water under my back to ease my back pain, I felt so amused comparing the contrast of life and culture between India and Germany. To visit anyone at his place in Germany would require an appointment to be made well in advance and not just banging into their house at any time of the day as in India. Even after invitation lists being made well in advance, sorted out according to the various regions of the city, according to preference in delivery, it took like forever to distribute them.

The Dresses: One of the things with which I am most amazed in my life is that why my dad has a single cupboard of clothes compared to the three which my mom has, not to mention. An almost similar experience I had with women during wedding. My mom, aunts, sisters, cousins all had a different dress for each meal at least for the last 2 days of the wedding! I am pretty okay with that but even though all of them knew 3 months in advance about the wedding, still most of them were still going for trials till the last moment.On top of that there was enough drama with the tailors. Some of the dresses were not made up to the expectations of the women. There was a lot of crying and moaning. New dresses were then ordered 3 days before the wedding. Aunt from Ambrika calling my Mom at 2 a.m. IST 4 days before the wedding and giving her measurements to order dresses for her, Cousin from Ambrika coming hours before the Shagan ceremony and 5 people going with him to sort out all his dresses for each event of the wedding. I mean, it was complete madness on the dresses front!    

More to come in the next post .....

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Taking the Turn

I am a person, who like Sheldon Cooper does not like changes. Of course not to his lunatic extents but yes, I like to settle in and soak life as it comes rather than running after it. It is no wonder that I am working at the same place for about last 5 years. As per many of my friends in India, it is a career murder approach. But still, I am fine with what I have at the moment. I am a man of limited needs.

Life had been going on as usual. I had no complaints. I was going to regularly to work. Coming back home on time. Using my spare time for many other activities with which I keep myself busy. Calling home regularly. Going out to occasional dinners with my friends. Traveling whenever I got chance. But suddenly, things happened. Many of them at a time. It was quite overwhelming to see so many changes happening simultaneously with me. On one end of the spectrum, I was embracing the changes and on the other end, I was dead scared. I will not lie. That was September!

Then came December. I got married last month. Life finally took that turn. 

I had been relatively non emotional and with almost null sentiments since the last 10-15 years of my life. It is not that I was not enjoying life. But somehow, I feel that I had restricted myself and kept many things by myself. Most of all, I feel that I had detached myself from many things and many people like my family. Of course, I used to talk to my parents and my sister and my family but somehow I had avoided getting into that "moh" as we call it in Hindi (Cant find a direct English translation). 

But after taking that turn, things changed, life changed. Like everyone else, I used to love my parents and my family. But now, I have started loving them more. I have started missing them more. The pull of going back to India is at a level like never before. Priorities have changed in life. And truly speaking, I am amazed at myself. I had never imagined that I would change that fast, that priorities will change that fast. And it is not under any pressure, but naturally coming to me.

Even at -5 degrees with my car under a blanket of snow which has be cleaned before I can use it, I am not complaining. Things like this did not happened before!

There is so much I can write right now but I would try to control my feelings. Maybe some other time :)
 
P.S: Though none of my family members know about this blog but still if they see it, I would like to thank everyone from the bottom of my heart for the wonderful time last month and for the super great wedding party!! 

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Paan Singh Tomar and Dad

I would admit that I am not a big fan of today's Bollywood. I hardly see the new Bollywood movies. I am kind of an old school and still stuck with the films from 50s and 60s. So usually, I see selected new releases only after a lot of recommendations from my friend circle. This past weekend, after repeated urges from a good friend of mine, I happened to see Paan Singh Tomar. Since I like Irfan Khan as an actor, it further persuaded me to see it. And I can say that I was not disappointed. First of all, I congratulate the director for being bold enough to make a film on such a topic. It was not just the theme of the movie which struck a chord with me but it was also well made. The rawness with which the movie was made won over my critique. And once again, Irfan Khan delivered the goods.

I liked the movie more because I could relate to it like very few would have done. My father "was" an athlete. And not just any regular athlete but an athlete who at the peak of his career, came second in India in 100 m sprint. I still have a cutting from a b/w newspaper of him in a photo finish. He had won so many competitions in his heydays that my grandmother had to collect the cups he used to win in baskets; I mean literally baskets of cups. Since there used to be less place in the house to accommodate all cups, there was no other choice. Same was the case with shields, medals and the certificates. There were just too many of them. I still remember that there was a special store room in our house where all of them were kept. But one fine day, my father cleared that room by giving away all his prized possessions to a random kabadiwala (scrap collector) roaming in our locality, for pennies.

Let me start from the beginning. My father comes from a very modest and humble family background. He had always excelled in sports as a kid. As he grew, he was groomed and trained by his coach to compete in national championships. He did pretty well as per the times with limited facilities back then in the late 60s, early 70s. He told me once how tough it was for the athletes of his time to adapt to spiked shoes since for a long time Indian athletes used to run with bare feet [REF.]. My father also used to play football for clubs. He used to tell me how back then, football was treated with a lot of more respect than now.  Now, to be an athlete is no child's play. One needs a lot of dedication, strict discipline, lots of training and a rigorous diet. Speaking of diet, the incident relating to Paan Singh changing his department for the sake of better eating facilities reminded me of my grandmother. She used to tell me sometimes how my father used to 'drink' desi ghee (white butter). I never used to believe her since my dad always looked too skinny in the old pictures I had seen of him. From here, one can calculate the magnitude of diet in olden times, especially for athletes.

So, all along his school and college life, my father kept winning competitions. Finally, he found a good coach for himself who groomed him well to win national competitions. He has a lot of respect for that man even till today. Eventually, my father came second in India. But unfortunately, at the peak of his athletic career, my father got a medical condition. The bone in his ankle started to grow more than usual. He could still run but was rejected from international competitions. Things with his leg deteriorated further and one day he was asked by his doctor not to run for his own sake. It broke his heart. Suddenly, his hopes for competing and winning for India went up in flames. Running was his life. But, it was kind of a dead end for him. There was no plan B that he had thought of before. He tried getting some help from the government but there were no special provisions back then for national athletes. There are hardly any even till today. It further dampened his spirits.

Now, people who dedicate their lives to sports usually do not give special attention to academics. He was no exception and was an average student. But after all that happened, he had to start afresh. He pulled up and kept his head high. He started concentrating more towards studies. After successfully completing his graduation and he was then employed by a company for whom he continued playing football as part time. With marriage and kids, his responsibilities grew further but he kept managing them well. We had all the necessities but life was never lavish. But my parents made sure that their kids get the best possible education. I remember while changing school in grade 6, my family went through a tough time. They wanted me to study in the best school in town. Now, it was pretty hard to get into it even if one had good grades and it was an expensive place to study. One needed good contacts and/or money to get through in addition to grades. I had good grades in my previous schools, but my parents did not had high contacts or money for donations. Still, both of them tried hard, really hard to get me through. They tried everything from getting recommendations from teachers of my previous school to meeting people who could refer my case to the new school. Finally, their efforts did not go in vain and I got admission in that school. I wonder sometimes when I think about how our parents sometimes go to strange lengths for their kids. I mean my parents could have spent money on themselves and could have had a good time going on vacation twice a year. My father could have bought and maintained a car instead of driving a Bajaj Chetak for 20 years of his life. But no, they wanted their kids to get the best education possible instead. They sacrificed for their kids by providing them the best. I have always wondered why, but never got the answer. Maybe when I have kids myself, then I might also understand.

I have always been interested in sports. Long before even knowing about my father's past. I think it was in the genes. I used to play football and basketball at school and towards my last couple of years in school, it was all basketball. Our school team won the championship for the best team in our state. I continued playing basketball for my college at various competitions during my graduation studies. But, I was never encouraged to play. My father never coached me or gave me any tips. I was always asked to concentrate on studies. Maybe deep down, I knew the reason but never accepted it. The movie reminded me of the pathetic state of sportsman in India even till this date. My father experienced it on himself. And me and my family are the witnesses.

Though my father is sentimental at heart, I have seldom seen him crying. In fact the only time I think I have seen him cry was at my grandfather’s funeral and then once again when his coach died. I still remember that evening when my father came home from work, sat on his chair and started sobbing. My mother got anxious and asked him the reason. He told that his coach is no more. A person whom he cherished all his life and was second to his father was dead. The coach of once a national athlete was dead and no one cared. He kept saying, that he deserved better because he did not die a peaceful death. He was dead broke with no work, living with his wife in a one room half broken apartment; his kids had also deserted him. My father used to take me to his place every Diwali when I was a kid but his situation was so bad that he asked my father once not to bring me with him. The names and conditions of other famous sports people rolled out at the end of the movie took me to the same apartment of my father’s coach. It was that day when my father told me never to take sports professionally in India. The next day he cleared his room which was once full with cups, shields and medals.

Since I keep my blog anonymous, I don't think my dad will ever be reading this but I would like to dedicate this post to him. This one is for you, dad!